Gratitude

For spending time
months
listening
misunderstanding words
and feelings
but understanding
in my own way
only because others show me.

For the calmness of leaf-rustling
amidst chaos
heart peace
amidst worlds of war
visible and invisible.

For the hemispheres
knitted inside
but mostly the view
of each one
containing in itself and entire life
but not forgetting
to participate in the dance
holding hands
and sitting around the fire.

For a second chance
and those who
with patience
and with kindness
let me learn to love
with a heart
full and complete
a learning I fear, fear will never be finished
pero el cambio sigue
and I hope to always be reminded.

For learning to feed my soul
and for sister souls
in human bodies
that make their way to mine.

For restless heart syndrome
yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

For what I never imagined I'd see
or was there
not look at
but see

and the surprising

unexpected

sensation

of gift

like Roses in December.

Reflection

Soooooo…here’s a random post after a looooong time of not writing on this!  I had the best of intentions when I decided to blog last semester in El Salvador, but after a couple months I definitely just gave up.  My original intent was to keep a record of my experiences for close friends and family, and also (selfishly) to maybe make the transition a bit easier for me upon returning to the US knowing that close friends and family knew at least a little bit of what I was up to last semester and where I was coming from.  I got frustrated with my incapability to write out everything I was seeing and experiencing, and eventually kind of decided that I just wanted to LIVE the experiences, and not necessarily worry about documenting it or trying to get people at home to see and understand everything...which after so long would really be impossible.  After all, four months was a long time, and I realized El Salvador wasn’t just a trip I was taking but rather a home from a chapter of my life, and it felt weird to record my (what was then) normal daily/weekly/whatever life on the internet (cause that is weird…and annoying).  I’ve never FELT so much in my life, and not just then, but now too.  Felt the purest and most innocent joy and happiness, but also the deepest sadness and anxiety, sometimes both in one day.  I feel like I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve a lot of times and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’ve also never witnessed such deeply HUMAN living – from being with people who live off their land, who work one day to live the next, who spend all morning preparing lunch, all afternoon preparing dinner, to being surrounded by people who are really, really good at living with and for other people and whose example makes me want to do the same with the greatest intention every single day.  I’ve seen how this world is so much bigger than my own worries and problems, and even writing this is another reminder of that to me, and the CONNECTEDNESS we have as humans whether we like it or not has been greatly comforting.  I can say that I have never met so many people in such a short time that have left such a strong mark on myself and on my heart.  I could list off a good amount of specific people that have impacted my way of thinking or moving through life and exactly how they did. I gained a family in Tepecoyo, and relationships with my housemates and some other friends that are some of the most REAL than I have ever had, because of a mutual willingness to be open, genuine, gentle with one another, and probably because like I said before, I’ve never learned so much from a group of people in one period of time like that.  And I say all that to express my gratitude.  I am so grateful for every opportunity, encounter, and person I have come into contact with over the last ½ year.  I’ve done a lot of questioning of my beliefs and faith, more than I ever have before which at some points has really shaken me to the core, but one thing I cannot deny is that God had his hand in placing me in El Salvador, in Casa Silvia, in Tepecoyo, with each specific person there.  And that gives me great comfort.  I definitely don’t want to just relive the past (well, I do, but really I don’t), but rather remain SO GRATEFUL for last semester and all of the blessings in my life that have come from it and intentionally carry each person and experience in my heart with me – as many have taught me - as crazy, crazy life moves on every day.  I also want to say, very very importantly, that it wasn’t just people in El Salvador that have occupied my mind in the last months; I know I don’t have to go to another country to find great relationships and people…I just happened to find a LOT of them there in one place.  I’ve been so grateful for my family and close friends, and some of these relationships have affected, challenged, and helped me to grow in an equally heart-wrenching way over the last months.  I’ve never been so scared for the future, TRULY, next month, next year, three years from now, but I’m also very excited because God is stinkin’ good and whatever he puts me through I know I have been given more tools to handle in the way that is best, and the truest beauty is sure to pop out at points along the way.  

Messenger

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird -
       equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?  Let me
       keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
       astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
       and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
       to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
       that we live forever.

-Mary Oliver

Thirst

Another morning and I wake with thirst
for the goodness I do not have.  I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has
given us such beautiful lessons.  Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over my books past the
hour and the bell; grant me, in your
mercy, a little more time.  Love for the
earth and love for you are having such a
long conversation in my heart.  Who
knows what will finally happen or
where I will be sent, yet already I have
given a great many things away, expecting
to be told to pack nothing, except the
prayers which, with this thirst, I am
slowly learning.

-Mary Oliver

To Understand the World

And the children said unto Halcolm, "We want to understand the world.  Tell us, O Sage, what must we do to know the world?"

"Have you read the works of our great thinkers?"

"Yes, Master, every one of them as we were instructed."

"And have you practiced diligently your meditations so as to become One with the infinity of the universe?"

"We have, Master, with devotion and discipline."

"Have you studied the experiments, the surveys, and the mathematical models of the Sciences?"

"Beyond even the examinations, Master, we have studied in the innermost chambers, where the experiments and surveys are analyzed, and where the mathematical models are developed and tested."

"Still you are not satisfied?  You would know more?"  "Yes, Master, we want to understand the world."

"Then, my children, you must go out into the world.  Live among the people of the world as they live.  Learn their language.  Participate in their rituals and routines.  Taste of the world.  Smell it.  Watch and listen.  Touch and be touched.  Write down what you see and hear, how they think and how you feel."


"Enter into the world.  Observe and wonder.  Experience and reflect.  To understand a world, you must become a part of that world while at the same time remaining separate, a part of and apart from."


"Go then, and return to tell me what you see and hear, what you learn, and what you come to understand."

Simplicity

Simplicity of life is concerned with our relationship to things.  But at the heart of its meaning is the relatedness of persons.  It is positive and blessed because it is grounded in the right order of valuing persons over objects.

We travel light enough so that the goods of the earth may be enjoyed and celebrated by all.  We travel light enough so that we ourselves may be for persons, rather than expend our lives collecting, maintaining, and replacing objects.

In simplicity, we are empowered to see the destitute, to share of our abundances, to ease the dehumanizing poverty that cries out to us.  It enables us to give freely, to be more equitable.  It frees us to engage in the injustices of the world, which are often the source of personal degradation.  It makes us less fearful to put our own security at risk.

Simplicity gives us time for each other and for intimacy and friendship.

Simplicity is as related to love as it is to justice.  It is freedom from compulsive addictions and entrenched escape mechanisms.  It is liberty to see ourselves anew and to disengage from the comforts that blind us to the face of the poor.

It unfetters us, that we might play in and savor the moment, that we might give thanks and sing appreciation.

It can unlock us, finally, that we might do bold things, that we might more fully be women and men, not for things, but for people.

-John Kavanaugh, S.J.

semana en el campo

I spent all of last week in a small community called Nueva Trinidad in the department of Chalatenango.  Meg, Tom, and I stayed with a woman named Lillian who lived with her friend Rosalina.  They each had a daughter, ages 16 and 17, that trickled in and out through the week as well.  The week was definitely a highlight of being here so far, and it is not a week I will soon forget.  So many things happened, but just to highlight a few, here are some of the more fun things we did:  rode a horse, ate fresh mangos and jocotes, cut Tom’s hair, climbed a mountain at sunset, played soccer with the neighbor kids, salsa-danced, sang the Beatles, ate mountains of beans, rice, and tortillas, successfully made my own tortillas, walked on dusty roads seeing incredible mountain views, drank iodine-stained water, shared a tiny bed with Meg, woke up next to a cockroach, rode in the back of the mayor’s pickup at night, stargazed, and ate choco-bananos sold by our neighbors.  There were many fun moments, but also a lot of sad ones.  Poverty, both physical and emotional, pervaded the community.  Some people really deal with a lot of sadness in their lives, and that has yet ceased to amaze me.  I heard stories of people remembering details from living in the mountains, sleeping on rocks and dead people during the war, memories of the murders of family and friends, missing family members that made it to the states, witnessing relationships of abuse, and living day-to-day in a state of physical poverty.  

un mes

Last week we celebrated our one month anniversary of being here.  An entire month has gone by!  It went quickly, but also I think of HOW MUCH has happened in that one month...and I can't even imagine how much more will happen in three more!  This week was full of a lot of appreciation I have for being here in such a unique program.  A common theme has been reality, how do I define reality, how is reality different for different people, and what does all of that mean.  Attempting to define reality in El Salvador has been an interesting process.  Obviously there's no concrete answer for that.  Being in such a program, however, sometimes I wonder how much of a biased view we are getting and how much of what we learn and experience is reality, but with classes and praxis and reading and traveling I feel like I get a better picture of it every day.  For classes we do SO much reading...but its all so interesting that it doesn't bother me too much.  Besides classes, Angelica and Ana in Tepecoyo are always telling us that we can ask them anything we want without shame, and they are extremely willing to share their lives with us...which has been a privilege.

This weekend I explored San Salvador a bit, visited the Catedral, el Palacio Nacional, y la Biblioteca Nacional.  San Salvador was quite the experience.  On Sunday we drove to Chalatenango to visit the houses of Orbelina and Dinora.  It was really fun to see where they come from and to meet their families and hear some of their stories.  Plus I enjoyed seeing a different part of the country.  Next week is campo week, so I'll spend the entire week living with a family in Nuevo Trinidad...so for now we are all kind of getting ready for that!  Chau for now :)

fin de semana en tepecoyo!

Gahhh so much I could write about right now.  Monday and Wednesday were good days at praxis.  We spent Monday visiting houses and resting at Angelica’s house.  The visits were interesting, awkward, funny, sad, uncomfortable, and lots of other things.  I’ll just list a few comments and things that made me think. 

I learned last week that over 60% of the income in El Salvador comes from remesas, or money sent to people in El Salvador from relatives that live in the US.  30 years ago, agricultural exports generated the most income, but now remesas have taken over.  So the economy is relying on sums of money that people send from our country to theirs...that’s crazy.  One afternoon I was talking with Ana, Lillian, and the woman we visited, Señora Anselma, and Ana revealed to us that when she first started accompanying American students with the Casa program she was surprised to hear that as students we had jobs.  She figured that as Americans, our parents probably had plenty of resources to put us through school without our help, and as anyone knows while that’s true for some people it is definitely not a standard here.  So it was fun to sort of unfold that stereotype about Americans that I’m sure other people here have.  Ana applauded us for being able to save up money for later or for large things like education, because many people here aren’t good about saving money.  Again, this is not true for everyone, but the general trend is that the remesa money is spent on things like fast food or fancy possessions rather than on healthy food, education, or health.  I think a lot of people in the States would be angered by this apparent lack of common sense, but it’s just the way things are here.  Ana made a comment “uno se acostumbra a vivir sin mucho dinero,” people get used to living without much money.  When you’re living day to day, some extra money that comes in the mail is a huge gift, which is why it is often spent on a special treat. 

The women I’ve met in La Javia are at home all day.  Most of them wouldn’t be able to find jobs anyway because the education levels are so low and many aren’t even able to read or write.  Taking care of the home while the children are away at school is definitely a large task, but at least stay-at-home moms in the States can jump in a car run errands to get out of the house.  Obviously that is not the case here.  So the women stay in their houses or in the areas surrounding them, all day every day.  I feel that if I was in their shoes I would feel a large lack of mobility and a sense of being trapped, but maybe that’s just because I come from a different place.  For so many people this is just how life is, and that is okay.  We got to meet Ana’s parents, which was so fun despite the fact that her father was mostly deaf and partially blind, and her mother couldn’t understand our broken Spanish.  But they were so cute!!  I asked her father how long he had lived on that piece of land, and he responded that since his father owned it, he had been there his entire life.  So almost 80 years.  And then Ana grew up there as well, and now raises her two daughters right below her parents’ house.  I guess it makes sense that some people never move from where they live and I feel stupid for having this moment of understanding surprise me so much, but it makes me be so conscious of all the places I have traveled and seen. 

Some of the house visits are awkward, because we all sit down and introduce ourselves but then nobody will say anything for long periods of time.  My first instinct is to scramble to think of a semi-interesting question to ask the host, but sometimes I get a short answer and the silence continues.  Usually its the woman of the house that will come sit with us, and at every home she will stop whatever she is doing just to sit with us and enjoy the day.  I may be wrong about this, but I get the sense that I’m feeling a lot more awkwardness than they are, just because the women aren’t usually the first ones to ask us questions.  Maybe for them the important part isn’t having this continual conversation, but rather just time spent in the company of others.  This seems so simple, but when I think about it, this really doesn’t happen often at my home.  If we have guests over, there’s a certain expectation to be with them and engage in conversation, especially if I don’t know them as well.  Even if I’m misjudging this, it’s an interesting concept to think about.  Silence can be a beautiful thing, and we don’t always need to fill it. 

Wednesday we started English class!  I have 8 kids between the ages of 13 and 22 in my class.  We all sat around a table and learned the names of numbers and letters.  Most of them were really eager to learn which was really fun to see!  I’m really excited to spend time with all of them the rest of the semester. 

This weekend was overall a great experience!  Ted, Alexa, and I stayed in Tepecoyo from Friday to Sunday, we got back just a few hours ago.  The living conditions weren’t really what pushed me, but many of the social situations did.  Friday night we learned how to make pupusas from Lilian and Angelica.  They were such experts at moving the dough in their hands and we definitely failed a little bit but it was fun to try!  Saturday morning we walked to Zona 3, about a 45-minute walk away, and stayed at the house of a woman named Melinda.  Everyone started cooking as soon as we got there, and I got to watch some guys climb a huge mango tree and chop down mangos.  We walked through this huge coffee finca to get there, and all of a sudden we stopped and they just jumped into this HUGE tree…there were times that I couldn’t even see them because they were up so high, it was crazy.  And they did it all wearing crocs.  We ate chile rellenos and some delicious pineapple juice for lunch.  I brought my deck of cards, and Alexa and I taught Brayan and Briana, two of Angelica’s young grandchildren, how to play war.  Brayan was the biggest cheater, and whenever someone played a joker (or “una bici” like he called it…referring to the bicycle on the card) he would steal it.  We had lots of laughs together.  The walk back was very tiring, and Angelica let us all rest in our room until dinner.  After dinner we watched Step Up 3 in Spanish with Angelica and Katy and Briana, and we called it an early night once again.  Which was so great. :)  This morning, we rode in the back of a pickup truck up to Zacamil, where Angelica’s sister lives with her family.  Angelica said to us something like “I bet people don’t travel like this in the United States,” to which we laughed and agreed.  It was such a cool way to see our surroundings!  We spent a couple of hours with Angelica’s sister Deisy and her family, and I got to help her daughter, also named Deisy, with her English homework, which consisted of translating word for word a story in English that her teacher made them copy down about aliens and spaceships.  Direct translation is quite possibly the worst method to teach a language, and it made me really frustrated that this is the way she has to learn English, which is difficult enough on its own to master.  The couple of times that I have had the opportunity, I have really enjoyed sitting down with people one-on-one and helping them with English…it definitely makes ESL stay on my radar as something I may want to pursue in the future.  On our way back from Zacamil, we stopped halfway to pick up Angelica’s husband who was cutting wood.  We saw Angelica climb down a really steep descent, take a HUGE log from her husband, and proceed to carry it up the hill again.  Angelica is at least 50 years old, maybe close to 60…I don’t know if I’ve ever witnessed a woman that age tackle a task like that!  Ted came to her rescue and carried it up half the hill for her, luckily.  Such a crazy scene to witness that made me laugh.  Also, I should mention that the drive to Zacamil, and even to Tepecoyo by bus, is BEAUTIFUL.  The place that we stopped on the way back had a backdrop of huge mountains. 

I write of all of the fun things we did this weekend, but it was also a challenge.  I felt that we were in such an awkward position sometimes as their guests.  We slept in beds, and although we didn’t ask I have no doubt that we took someone else’s beds for the weekend.  In addition, although I can carry a conversation in Spanish I was having a really hard time thinking of things to say as we walked, ate, and just sat around.  The three of us were kind of awkward, and it made me feel really horrible since we were guests in their home.  I didn’t want it to come off to them that we weren’t having a good time, because that definitely wasn’t the case and they were so good to us.  But honestly I know that they didn’t feel that way because they have housed many students in the past and are SO caring and patient with us, I just felt bad.  In addition, almost every time we’ve been to Tepecoyo someone has shown us a video or pictures of previous students, telling them of how grateful they were to learn so much in Tepecoyo, and how much they loved everyone there and were a part of their family.  The videos are so touching and I love going through all of them.  It definitely makes me feel like we have big shoes to fill, however, whether this is a good or bad thing.  Angelica and Ana are always telling us “no tengan pena,” basically don’t feel bad about anything, whether its our Spanish, our inability to eat their food when we’re sick, or anything like that, because we are their family.  Constantly being exposed to all of this makes me love all of them and want to truly be a part of their close-knit community, so I feel bad when things are awkward (at least for me) and I just hope that I’m taking full advantage of every day I’m there.  It was a very different kind of hospitality than the hospitality I’ve ever received, in many awesome ways.  Like I said before, maybe a lot of this was just my preconceived notion of how to behave as a guest, but it made me think nonetheless, and made me so grateful to be at this site!

This post is getting ridiculously long and still covers nowhere near everything I could say, but one more cool thing I thought of is that on Friday Jon Sobrino came to our history class!  He’s a famous liberation theologian, and I’ve read a lot of his works at SLU.  He lived with the six Jesuits who were murdered in 1989, and the only reason he is still here at the UCA is that he was visiting Asia at the time of the murders.  I’ve gotten to read more of his works on Romero and the Jesuits, which have been so fun to read.  Sitting around a table with him was a privilege after I’ve heard his name so many times, and it was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime chance.  I even got to talk to him in person after and he was happy to hear that I go to SLU, since he studied there for 5 years. 

Tomorrow we have off, and I’m planning on catching up on a lot of homework and sleeping.  I’m so excited to be clean again after a nice shower, and ready for the rest of the week!  Abrazos, en serio les extraño muchisimo a TODOS!!

la realidad

Hi!  It’s been quite a crazy week in many ways.  On Monday and Wednesday I got to go to Tepecoyo!  Getting out of the van with Alexa and Ted, we all realized we had no idea what we were doing, and didn’t even know where to go because we couldn’t remember where Angelica lived.  All we could do in that moment was laugh, and when we found Angelica she told us she wasn’t expecting us for another few minutes which was why she wasn’t there to pick us up.  That sort of comical event broke the ice for all of us, and I thought it was a great day.  Also, before I forget, she sent us home with two chickens in a box that day to give to Kevin and Trena’s little girls.  We laughed and thought it was hilarious…looking back on it they probably thought we were stupid because I guess that’s a pretty normal thing to do, haha.  We went on a few house visits with Angelica and Ana, and even though they were a little uncomfortable at times because either I got lost in the rapid Spanish conversation or I just simply didn’t know what to ask or say, it was a great experience.  All of the women we met were so excited that we were going to be offering English and computer classes for free, because then their kids would have some sort of a background or head start before starting up school again soon.  On Wednesday we went to Edith’s house again, where we had gone on the first Saturday of praxis visits.  She told us a lot about the education in Tepecoyo.  Out of everyone I’ve met here, I don’t think I’ve seen suffering as apparent and visible as it is manifested in her.  She had 7 children, but 5 years ago one of them went out to buy something and never came back.  Trena told me that a man claiming to be a private investigator had come by a couple months later and promised to find her son for $300, a sum that’s unheard of, but with some help and much sacrifice, she found the money to pay him.  However he never came back and was was never found.  She’s struggling to get the rest of her kids through bachillerato, or high school, and she talked a lot about how the costs are really putting a strain on her family.  Although they no longer have to pay a quota for school like they used to, the classes are charging more for clear backpacks ($12,) and notebooks and other supplies.  In my political science class the other day we learned that the minimum wage here in 2010 was $158.40 per month for someone who had a formal job.  The Canasta de Alimentos which is the amount decided by the UN that a family of 5 needs to survive on to guarantee una nutrición digna, or enough food to survive in a healthy manner, was $227.95.  Even worse, the Canasta de Mercado in 2010, which was the cost of healthy living including all other expenses, was $648.37.  So, if a family of five has a father who has a formal job at minimum wage, he can’t even pay enough for healthy food, much less supplies like backpacks, health costs, transportation and a million other necessities.  And even this is a good scenario, because many people consider themselves extremely lucky to find a formal job.  Edith is a single mother with six children to care for.  All odds are against her and her family.  Many kids drop out of school at an early age, even though it primary school is “compulsory,” to get some sort of job selling things on the streets or begging for money.  And the cycle repeats.  Talking with the women in the community has taught me that even these jobs can be extremely dangerous.  I can never imagine my parents letting me taking some of these jobs even at the age of 19, but families here just don’t have that luxury to choose.  Learning all of these things, seeing the facts in charts in class and then seeing the faces with which the statistics match up has been overwhelming.  And what is worse, Edith is just one example.  It has yet failed to amaze me at the amount of suffering people have experienced here as a result of the war, the violence, and the poverty.  All of these things affect the way that people think, process, and live on a daily basis…in ways so different than those with which I have been raised.  And El Salvador is just a tiny country in Central America.  The world is a pretty big place.  Not only am I continuing to realize how grateful I am for all of the opportunities I have, but I’m also reconsidering my true definition of reality.

This week was the first full week of praxis and classes, and I’m glad to be getting into a schedule.  I’m enjoying each of my classes, and sometimes they all mesh together because everything we are learning is so pertinent to my experiences here.  More on that later probably.  Yesterday, Saturday, we went to the BEACH!  Like the real beach, one on the ocean, to everyone who tells me that lake beaches in MN aren’t really beaches, hah.  Which is so weird, since I talked to my parents today and my dad said he was going out to play ice croquet on Prior Lake…I guess that’s weird in more ways than one.  I was excited to go, but when I saw those HUGE waves of the Pacific Ocean and the sand and shells, I was so happy!!  We all sprinted out to the water and were there for at least an hour.  I don’t remember if I’ve ever seen the Pacific Ocean, maybe when I was really young, but I know I have never seen waves that huge – it was great fun, but I have to admit a little scary when Alexa and I struggled for a good ten minutes after maybe going a little too far out, haha.  Today I went to a teachers’ training workshop, which eases a lot of my fears about starting English classes on Wednesday, and tonight we are all going to Kevin and Trena’s for a barbecue to watch the super bowl.  I didn’t even follow football that closely this year, and I hate both the Giants and Patriots, but having both the beach and football in one weekend is such a treat, and something I definitely needed!  If there are hamburgers I will literally cry tears of joy!  

I’m both excited and nervous for this next week – especially because I am spending next weekend in Tepecoyo with Angelica!  Should be another jam-packed week or two!  Please keep sending those prayers, and know I am keeping everyone at home very much in my thoughts and prayers. 

Con mucho cariño y amor,

Sarita.  

algunos días de descanso

Hello!  I got sick on Friday, and the Salvadoran bug was not a fun experience.  I haven’t been too homesick, but I will say that being sick made me appreciate the nice bed, bedroom, bathroom, and warm shower I have at home.  Although the last 11 days have been incredible, especially after these last 2 days I’m excited to slow down and get into the swing of a normal schedule.  It definitely was nice to have some alone time while everyone was gone, but I’m feeling a lot better today and am ready to get going again!

Today I got to sleep in, went to Mass in the park close to my house, and went to the market in the park that’s there every Sunday morning.  It reminded me of going to the farmer’s market with my mom in the summer!  I bought a bunch of fresh vegetables to make a yummy salsa that I spent part of the afternoon making, and I’m definitely enjoying all the cooking we are doing! 

Tomorrow I’ll go to Tepecoyo for the first time.  I’m definitely excited, but also nervous, realizing I have no idea what I’m getting into.  From what I’ve been told, Mondays we will spend on house visits and Wednesday’s I’ll be teaching English.  I can’t wait, but I know it’s going to be a lot of work.  It’s crazy that after all of the preparation it took to get here and all the time I’ve spent here so far that we’re finally really starting!  

Un fuerte abrazo a todos! 

Sunday afternoon I came back to Casa Silvia to find some of my housemates cooking!  We spent all afternoon preparing dinner for our casa, which was so much fun.  Eventually some of the becario students trickled in and we all had a great time enjoying each other’s company and sharing a meal.  Despite somewhat of a language barrier, Norelby, Neydi, Orbelina, and all of the Salvadoran students are so much fun, and its been great to practice my Spanish with them. 

Monday we did praxis site visits again.  We went to FUDESO, a health clinic, and Mariona, a semi-urban community.  I was impressed with the variety of services that the clinic provides, and it seems very well run.  The people at Mariona talked for a very long time about the history of the community and their roles within it, and that segwayed into their personal stories of the war and famous martyrs they had met.  It has yet failed to amaze me that at every site the people have such intense stories and experiences. 

On Tuesday I got the chance to visit Divina Providencia, which was Romero’s home.  We sat inside of the church in which he was shot and looked through his house, which they turned into a small sort of museum.  It’s just amazing to me that I was there, sitting in the pews of his parish and walking the paths he did. 

Wednesday we visited Nuevo Amanecer, an early childhood education center in San Ramon, and el Pueblo de Dios en Camino, a Christian based community focused in San Ramon and Las Nubes.  Visiting Pueblo was tough.  As a Christian based community, one of their main focal points is living the gospel daily.  Like in so many other places in El Salvador, accompaniment is a huge part of what they do, and we got the chance to take our coaster bus up the volcano into the community of Las Nubes, where most people have no running water.  After getting off the bus and making a pretty difficult trek further up, we got to Adrian’s house, an elderly man who makes charcoal for a living.  We also visited Victoria and her children, and she was one of the most caring people I have met so far, just hugging and holding onto everyone all of the time.  Most of the people in Las Nubes make their living planting and cutting coffee, and the students there will get a chance to participate in that with them, as well as bringing large water jugs up to Adrian on their walk up the volcano. 

Thursday was the first day of class!  Leaders of the Romero program, which is the Salvadoran scholarship program that the Salvadoran students we live with participate in, came to my praxis class and gave us an overview of the program.  That in conjunction with conversations I’ve had with some of the becarios as well as just walking through the UCA has opened my eyes a little more to how the Salvadorans must feel being outnumbered and living with a group of Americans who know mostly only broken Spanish.  Home is a sacred place and this type of a living situation is really new for everyone here, so our house is really going to work hard at only speaking Spanish when the becarios are in the house.  Something else I’ve noticed is that there seems to be very little diversity here in Antiguo Cuscatlán, at least compared to Saint Louis.  We get a lot of stares and I’m pretty sure the man that checks people’s IDs at the front of campus lets us in because by looking at us he assumes we are in this program.  I don’t know, it’s just been really interesting to see.   I also had a literature class in the afternoon, which I really enjoyed.  The professor was really funny and he walked us all over to the librería so we could buy our books…and I got two of them for $6.50 total.  Loving it. 

Friday I had Liberation Theology with Sister Peggy who has lived here for 25 years and is just one of the most interesting people I’ve met so far.  Later today I have History of the War and we are visiting San Antonio Abbad, another praxis site. 

I get really frustrated blogging sometimes because there’s just so much that has happened and so much I want to say.  I like writing down the events of each day so people know what I’ve been up to, but really these posts do a horrible job of capturing the experience in my opinion, which is fine I guess but something I’m going to work on.  Reflection has been a really important part of the program, something I’m grateful for and something I know I’ll rely on as the semester unfolds.  As of now, I guess I’m just excited to get going with my praxis site and readings for class, which are going to be super chivo (Salvadoran word for awesome) and see where things go from here!  

primera semana

Hola!!

I arrived in San Salvador on Wednesday afternoon without any problems!  I’m living in such a cute little house called Casa Silvia in a neighborhood of Antiguo Cuscatlan, almost an hour out of San Salvador, with 5 other Americans and three Salvadoran students.  I have a roommate, Shannon, who is so nice and I am really excited we get to know her better.  We have a garden outside with a hammock, and when I open my door I see a cobblestone street and a beautiful volcano.  It’s been so weird to walk the streets and think that I am not just on vacation, but actually living here for the next four months.  Wednesday we spent the rest of the day hanging out in Casa Romero where some other students from my program live, getting to know the other Americans and Salvadorans.  I got a chance to see where Kevin and Trena live, the program directors, with their four little girls.  They’ve been in El Salvador for thirteen years now and their youngest two daughters are actually Salvadoran because they were born here.  The place where they live is SO BEAUTIFUL and it literally looks like they live in the middle of a jungle, no joke.  Talking with them has been so incredible, and I think it’s amazing that they are raising their girls here in such a unique environment. 

Thursday we watched a documentary introducing the story El Salvador’s history, including US involvement in their brutal civil war that lasted from 1980-1992.  We went to la Universidad de Centroamerica or la UCA where we will be studying.  A brief background – El Salvador’s civil war lasted from 1980 to 1992, and the atrocities committed have had a lasting effect on the country and the people.  1980 saw the assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero while he said Mass.  Romero had always refused to leave his people to their suffering and was really an icon of and for the poor.  Another notable event, in 1989 members fighting for the Salvadoran government killed six Jesuits living at the UCA, along with their housekeeper and her daughter.  This gained international attention and from my understanding is when the role of the US in backing the Salvadoran government really began to be challenged within our country.  This is so far only my basic understanding of what happened, and as I learn more I will add it.  What I do know for sure is that the war left a culture of violence and a torn people with experiences of true suffering to define their pasts.  Romero, the Jesuits, and the war are three things that many of the Salvadorans I have met still identify with and impact them greatly.  When we went to the UCA we walked through the place where the Jesuits, the housekeeper, and her daughter were killed, and it was somewhat uncomfortable for me, not only because of the horrifying events that happened there but also because I felt almost unworthy of being there because I know I can’t fully appreciate and understand what happened and its impact.  This semester I am really looking forward to delving into this more and being able to learn from others and form my own ideas and understandings.

Friday was spent going over more orientation material, including a long section about health and safety (don’t worry Mom).  Friday night we went to a huge pupuseria (pupusas are a really famous food in El Salvador…like a corn tortilla stuffed with rice, beans, queso, pork, anything) and it was really fun to get outside of our neighborhood and see some other sights.  We have a great group of people here and it’s been fun to spend time with everyone and start forming a strong community. 

Saturday we started visiting praxis sites!  My schedule for this semester will be attending class at the UCA Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, and on Mondays and Wednesdays I will be going to my praxis site with my friend from SLU Alexa and another Casa student Ted, which is in a town called Tepecoyo.  This week of orientation we are visiting all of the praxis sites, and luckily mine was on the first day!  First we went to Las Delicias, a rural area that really really took a hard hit from the major floods this past fall.  We visited some of the homes and they told us the stories of the floods.  A couple of them lost literally everything they own and although they struggled to tell us their stories you could see that it was something that they wanted to share with us.  The bus ride to and throughout Tepecoyo was INCREDIBLE.  We had lunch with and met Angelica and her family at her house, who is going to be our main contact person.  She talked to us for a long time about the comedor, or kitchen that they run, and I can tell that she is an extremely special person.  We visited another family’s house and talked with the mother for a while.  She talked about how the floods were extremely difficult on them and how most of the time they struggle to even find food.  She has some children who are young adult aged, and I got to meet her 17-year-old girl who will be taking the computer and English classes we are going to help teach.  I’m so excited that I’m going to get to spend so much time with these two incredible families and can already tell I am going to learn and grow a lot.  We also took a trip to Zacamil where Angelica’s sister lives with her family.  Her son Jovani was injured a few years ago in an accident and was left paralyzed and in a wheelchair.  The hospitality of this family was unbelievable and it was such a gift to spend time talking with them.  Every other Monday we will get to go to Zacamil to spend the day with Jovani and help him with his English, or play games, or really do whatever we all feel like doing.  After talking with him, I know we are all going to have a lot of fun. 

This morning (Sunday) we went to Mass in a neighborhood called La Chacra, and Salvadoran Mass is quite the experience.  The priest was extremely inviting and welcoming to everyone in the parish and thanks to lots of practice at SLU’s Spanish Mass I was able to understand nearly his entire homily, which was a really incredible message of being called as Jesus’ disciples, and what our roles are in our own communities.  The environment was so much fun, and I’m looking forward to exploring other churches throughout the semester. 

This trip so far has been so full of thoughts, ideas, and emotions.  It has been a lot to handle, more so than I maybe had thought it would, but in times where I’m not sure about anything else I am so sure that this is where I am supposed to be right now.  Making the trip to Tepecoyo lifted me up a lot and made me so excited for the possibilities that this semester holds.  Like I said, it’s been weird to walk the streets and be here in the mindset that I’m living here and not just on vacation, and today I kept having moments where I would look around and think wow, this is poverty, this is El Salvador.  I hope to update again soon, but since I can’t get to Internet very often my posts will probably be a lot longer like this one.  And if you made it this far, I’m impressed, haha.  I am thinking about and praying for all my friends and family at home, and I ask you do the same for me!  Besos 

Hoy me voy!

Here we go!! Tomorrow I'm leaving the States for four months to study at the Casa de la Solidaridad (House of Solidarity) program in El Salvador.  This is really the opportunity of my dreams, and I'm so thankful that I get to go.  I'll fly into Chicago tonight, then to Miami early in the morning, and then land in San Salvador just after 1pm.  After that, I honestly have no idea...but that's okay because I AM SO EXCITED!  I'm not sure how often I will update this, I'll probably just figure it out when I get there but I will do my best.  Hopefully the flights, layovers, and customs will all go smoothly and I will arrive in San Salvador with my suitcase.  Here's to the start of a great adventure!